The Hamster and the Evil Squirrel

Recently, I took a few pictures of a squirrel that tried to climb the apartment window of my bedroom. I feel like doing something really random, so here is a animal talk story thingy with a hamster plushy that talks. ^_^


The hamster woke up from it’s slumber after hearing a scratching sound. Curious, he approached the window, and climbed atop a plataform to see who was making the scratch behind the window. He sighed exasperatedly. It was one of those bloody squirrels. He had heard about them from his pals… Well, pals in his perspective because if they had the chance, they would turn him into a meal, albeit he would be a really tasteless meal. Regardless, under the watch of their owners, the dogs murmured on the topic of squirrels and their evils. Words went around that squirrels came out of trees, which was the portal to underground colonies of bothersome pests. Reportedly, squirrels went above ground in order to spy and report on the world above to their evil overlords in order to plan a massive invasion and take over the world in order make themselves the dominant species on Earth. The acorns were supposedly materials for weapons of mass stupid, to make the takeovers easier:

Additionally, squirrels were not to be trusted, being sneaky and backstabbers and all, always scurrying along suspiciously, watching their sorroundings with a frantic, nervous look. Worst of all, they were stupid. That is the only reason their plans never materialized fully. And so, the hamster just stood there looking at the squirrel, not knowing what to do at all, with no understanding at all of this mysterious alien except that they were incredibly stupid, cruel, and sadistic.


Afraid of the squirrel’s evil influence, the hamster was the first one to speak up:

hamster: Oy, Get out, evil alien from space deep below!

squirrel: Emm… What?

hamster: (trembling in fear) I… I said g… g… get out!

squirrel: (with a confused and hurt look) Hey! What’s your problem, mate? I am just trying to climb over the window.

This confirmed in the hamster’s mind that the squirrel was indeed a creature of inferior intelligence. For if the  squirrel had any intelligence, it would have gone around the window, and onto the brick wall, which was easier to climb on. And with his prejudice fed, he responded slowly, with his arms making large motions:

hamster (in an accusatory, bolder tone): I know what you are trying to do, you are spying for your evil overlords. Probably scouting on the roof in order to plan for your invastion!

squirrel (now looking really hurt, walks to the right, but stops at the window’s edge): Hey, I am not stupid, I can understand you good. Where did you hear that from?

hamster: aha! So you admit it! Yeah, that’s right, I heard it from my pals, the dogs.

squirrel (facepalm): Look, they are just false rumors and stories that dogs come up with in order to reduce sympathy for us whenever they chase us for a kill and a meal. See, that way, no one cares for us. They just think we are some stupid critters that deserve it.

hamster: What? My pals would never do that! Why would they lie? And they would never hurt anything innocent… unless you guys ARE evil decievers.

squirrel: Look, they are not your pals, okay? If it weren’t for their masters’ restrictions, they would have played you like a ragdoll until all of your stuffings were spilled out and eaten, leaving you with endless agony. And trust me, inside the tree holes, there is nothing but a few of us and some acorns.

hamster (genuinely creeped out and confused): But… but… It can’t be…

squirrel (reflectively): That is the truth. I have seen those vicious monsters chase after cute bunnies, grab them with the mouth, and shake them left and right, left and right, left and right, like sport. Plus, have you heard of the squirrel jokes they make? “What happens to a squirrel who doesn’t collect enough acorns for winter? He dies. It is funny because the squirrel is dead.” We are the victims here.*

hamster: I didn’t know…

squirrel: Now you know.


hamster: But… but I heard other animals say it.

squirrel: I knew it, our reputations are ruined forever. Those sly dogs.

hamster: How do I know whether you are telling the truth?

squirrel: C’mon, look at us, we are small, and the whole world wants us dead. Plus, there are not a lot of us for any invastion, trust me. Although, I hear that there are pests *cough* rats! *cough* with enough numbers. *shudder*

hamster: I guess. Say, now that we are pals, do you want to see something cool?

Squirrel looks curiously.

hamster: I will show you.

Hamster gets down of the plataform, and brings a strange object consisting of two round glasses connected by a metal wire, and a large prong coming out at the edge of each glass, and shows it to her.


Hamster: You see me now, (puts glass in front, smiling) now you don’t. (things are blurry)

Squirrel (freaking out): Squeak! Howdidyoudothat!

Hamster: I didn’t…

Squirrel (frantically looking left and right): Squeak! Whatsthat? Itlooksdangerous. Idon’tlikethis. Iwantogetout. Helpme. It’sbadbadbadbadbad. Idon’tlikebadstuff. Squeak! Mustgohome. Homesafe. Homesafe. Homesafe.

Hamster: No wait!

The squirrel, looking deeply agitated, quickly scurries off to safety.


Hamster (looking sad, cocking its head sideways): Oooh, and we were just getting to be pals. Eh, I guess they are as stupid as others claim.

The End

*Joke from the movie Up


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